>^,,^<
Showing posts with label Cyberlings and Poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cyberlings and Poetry. Show all posts
Monday, November 28, 2016
Dreams and Memories, Memories and Dreams
>^,,^<
Monday, October 14, 2013
Still
I watched a group of lovely women gather, good friends since the 80's they told me And they laughed and chattered and giggled like school children and oh.... my .... God... I was so jealous. So I offered to take their picture as group, knowing the small kindness would help ease my sorrow. And it did.
I'm coming up on my 16th anniversary. And two weeks after that, the .. *anniversary* -what a terrible word- of my husband's death.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooiZUzHEYNk
And oh my God I miss him. He left me, sneaking out in the middle of the night like a coward, like a little boy sneaking back home to his Mama who will tell him how evil I was, how I poisoned him. How I was his killer. And that was his pattern, leaving every five or seven years in the middle of the night with a note,... I was his Good Bye Girl, and damn me to Hell, I was absolutely incapable of saying NO to my Love, to my Heart to my Soul... And now that he's gone, with no closure.. every year around this time my heart gets yanked out of me and ground down into the dust of .. what. Loneliness? Is that all it is?
So never tell me how sad your life is because you do not have someone to support you. Never say that. You who have your special someone, you have your Family, you have a support group which you have built from your childhood ...
Mine are all behind me. Lost lost thousands of miles south, my Family, my Tribe.
And I know I'm going to die just like my Grammy. Alone. Lonely. Heart sick with a brave face and a smile plastered across my my cheeks .. No No, I'm cool, I'm OK. See? I'm smiling. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqS6LoBa_nQ
and my words will not linger past the last dead leaf swept into the gutter.
=^,,^=
I'm coming up on my 16th anniversary. And two weeks after that, the .. *anniversary* -what a terrible word- of my husband's death.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooiZUzHEYNk
And oh my God I miss him. He left me, sneaking out in the middle of the night like a coward, like a little boy sneaking back home to his Mama who will tell him how evil I was, how I poisoned him. How I was his killer. And that was his pattern, leaving every five or seven years in the middle of the night with a note,... I was his Good Bye Girl, and damn me to Hell, I was absolutely incapable of saying NO to my Love, to my Heart to my Soul... And now that he's gone, with no closure.. every year around this time my heart gets yanked out of me and ground down into the dust of .. what. Loneliness? Is that all it is?
So never tell me how sad your life is because you do not have someone to support you. Never say that. You who have your special someone, you have your Family, you have a support group which you have built from your childhood ...
Mine are all behind me. Lost lost thousands of miles south, my Family, my Tribe.
And I know I'm going to die just like my Grammy. Alone. Lonely. Heart sick with a brave face and a smile plastered across my my cheeks .. No No, I'm cool, I'm OK. See? I'm smiling. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqS6LoBa_nQ
and my words will not linger past the last dead leaf swept into the gutter.
=^,,^=
Thursday, December 23, 2010
An Adventure!
Greig took me on an adventure yesterday! He called around Noon to tell me he was "turning left instead of right". I asked what he had in mind? He said he was going to go find the snowline. *pause on my part* "With me?" "Well, I can't think of anybody else I'd go driving around for...."
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! He's sooooo romantic!
So he came to pick me up, and we turned left instead of right at the bottom of "my" hill. We drove about an hour or so from my house, into 1 foot stuck beautiful snow. he got to polish up his "snow skidding" skills ("Don't worry, Creampuff, I'll get us home safe.") We almost made it to Bagby Hot Springs, but it was getting quite dark, so we put chains on and he got to practice snow chain installation, un-entanglement, and removal skills.
I even got some new pictures. I'll put them p as soon as I get 'em back from the developers. I even discovered that my camera has a "timer" setting and I HOPE I got a rare picture of us together!
He's not a "Cat Man", but the cats adore him. And when he thinks I'm not looking, he gives them kitty loves. And, of course, doesn't mind being a couch when it suits cold kitteh feets to be so.
Even the Song Dogs love him.
I had such a loverly adventure! It was so wonderful to explore a wider part of my Community, I hadn't even gone that far yet. It's so beautiful ! It was so wonderful of Greig to take me away...
>^,,^<
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! He's sooooo romantic!
So he came to pick me up, and we turned left instead of right at the bottom of "my" hill. We drove about an hour or so from my house, into 1 foot stuck beautiful snow. he got to polish up his "snow skidding" skills ("Don't worry, Creampuff, I'll get us home safe.") We almost made it to Bagby Hot Springs, but it was getting quite dark, so we put chains on and he got to practice snow chain installation, un-entanglement, and removal skills.
I even got some new pictures. I'll put them p as soon as I get 'em back from the developers. I even discovered that my camera has a "timer" setting and I HOPE I got a rare picture of us together!
He's not a "Cat Man", but the cats adore him. And when he thinks I'm not looking, he gives them kitty loves. And, of course, doesn't mind being a couch when it suits cold kitteh feets to be so.
Even the Song Dogs love him.
I had such a loverly adventure! It was so wonderful to explore a wider part of my Community, I hadn't even gone that far yet. It's so beautiful ! It was so wonderful of Greig to take me away...
>^,,^<
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Morning Jewels, Dangerous Dreaming
This past week has been a difficult one for plants, animals and people. Each morning, I would heat up a 2 gallon pot of water on my trusty propane stove, and defreeze all the animals' water buckets. This was repeated each evening. For a week, we never got above freezing at our daytime highs. For the Yards up top, for Teeghkii & Chance, and the Goat Royal Court, I used my wee wagon. I found a 5 gallon bucket I saved from earlier which has a rubber seal inside the lid, so it will seal, and stay sealed even if I accidentally tip the wagon over. Which I did every time, for some reason. Clumsy I guess :~)
It was a dry cold, with no moisture. I am hoping I will not lose too many plants. Plants don't much care to get frozen solid with dry roots. So we scrambled this past week.
Yesterday, the rains came. It was freezing rain, a constant drizzley very "wet" rain which soaked every thirsty thing. This morning when I went outside to hie me off to work, leaving a half an hour early just in case -which didn't help much- the sun poured golden over the landscape filtering through the diamond-festooned trees in beams of syrupy light. Each leaf, each branch, the seed heads I leave for the birds, all were bedazzled by frozen pieces of moonlight captured for the dawn.
The ground was slick with an invisable layer of treachery. I scraped and scraped to chip the ice off the windshield, resisting the urge to dump a pot of hot water all over the windshield. I know where that will lead, and it's not pretty. Started the truck up and reached the end of driveway. I got out and took a couple of steps into the street, and watched a truck pass on by with no troubles. My halting steps were quite like skiing with no skis, so I pulled the chains out and attached them to my back tires. Pulling out of the driveway, I noticed my wee truck skittering like a spooky colt. Fishtailing and bucking, I slowly made my way in first gear down the middle of the street praying no-one would be coming up the hill, or pull out from a driveway.
As I crept down my quite steep hill, I noticed the sunlight stroking the frozen leaves with tender ministrations. The beams prismed through each diamond drop casting tiny rainbows hither and yon. As I passed beneath the trees as they lean across the road, they dropped a mist of hail, of frozen solid raindrops losing their grip on their perches pummeling passers-beneath. The sunlight bathed the larger trees with silver light, illuminating each tiny drop as they fell.
I had to pay close attention to my squirrely truck as she wiggled and giggled down the hill, but the sight of all those crystalline raindrops clinging to their leafy boughs was glorious! It was beautiful. It was treacherous. It was dangerous dreaming filled with morning jewels.
>^,,^<
It was a dry cold, with no moisture. I am hoping I will not lose too many plants. Plants don't much care to get frozen solid with dry roots. So we scrambled this past week.
Yesterday, the rains came. It was freezing rain, a constant drizzley very "wet" rain which soaked every thirsty thing. This morning when I went outside to hie me off to work, leaving a half an hour early just in case -which didn't help much- the sun poured golden over the landscape filtering through the diamond-festooned trees in beams of syrupy light. Each leaf, each branch, the seed heads I leave for the birds, all were bedazzled by frozen pieces of moonlight captured for the dawn.
The ground was slick with an invisable layer of treachery. I scraped and scraped to chip the ice off the windshield, resisting the urge to dump a pot of hot water all over the windshield. I know where that will lead, and it's not pretty. Started the truck up and reached the end of driveway. I got out and took a couple of steps into the street, and watched a truck pass on by with no troubles. My halting steps were quite like skiing with no skis, so I pulled the chains out and attached them to my back tires. Pulling out of the driveway, I noticed my wee truck skittering like a spooky colt. Fishtailing and bucking, I slowly made my way in first gear down the middle of the street praying no-one would be coming up the hill, or pull out from a driveway.
As I crept down my quite steep hill, I noticed the sunlight stroking the frozen leaves with tender ministrations. The beams prismed through each diamond drop casting tiny rainbows hither and yon. As I passed beneath the trees as they lean across the road, they dropped a mist of hail, of frozen solid raindrops losing their grip on their perches pummeling passers-beneath. The sunlight bathed the larger trees with silver light, illuminating each tiny drop as they fell.
I had to pay close attention to my squirrely truck as she wiggled and giggled down the hill, but the sight of all those crystalline raindrops clinging to their leafy boughs was glorious! It was beautiful. It was treacherous. It was dangerous dreaming filled with morning jewels.
>^,,^<
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Love Song to a Small Town
Love Song to a Small Town
****************************
Solitude
34*
Snow alights treacherously down upon the railings of the deck overlooking the pond disguised as fat innocent puffy soft flakes
where the ducks sleep restlessly
one eye open for the black bear in the orchard
one eye open for the coyotes trash talking behind the dog yards.
Our wolfdogs trash talk them right back
the hillside rings with the singing of the Brethren
Wolf & Coyote.
The guinea hens spook at every shadow which passes overhead, hawk or sparrow, it is all the same to them, all is danger, all is sorrow
They have short memories, however, and as soon as the shadow is gone, they go back to their chuckling and hunting.
I wonder if the bugs they hunt do the same shrieking and hiding as they spy the dangerous shadows of the guineas.
I wanted solitude, I wanted to touch the wild within me
the wild which was being smothered in the smog of Southern California,
crushed beneath the developers’ mitigating circumstances
as they bulldoze yet another riparian area unto insignificance.
I hungered for the solitude and quiet
and that, I got, in spades.
Now widowed, I have all the solitude I can stand.
This past week, I missed a bill, and have been disconnected
from the internet.
Like Joni sings, you don’t know what you’ve lost ‘till it’s gone
and like an ache, like a shadow limb severed unbeknownst to the brain which thinks it still controls it,
I miss the connection.
I miss the daily chat and the silly games.
I miss hearing the voice of the man I am seeing before I sleep.
And I wonder about that
as I watch the crackling of the ice which covers the pond
like traceries and veins of the Mother
a milky slip of crenalated silk overlaying the deep violet blue of the pond
with the stumps arising from the depths like loons in the mist
No matter how many times I pass them knowing what they are, I still give them a second glance to make sure they have not shape-shifted into the Earth Birds that I know they really are.
Grounded frozen into the pond, dreaming of flight.
Love is for the young they say, and if that is so,
I am still so very young,
Because I love
I love
I love
Strong and different this time ‘round, more direct
patient yet urgent
patient yet passionate
patient yet wild like the howls of the wolves.
Time does that to a person.
I always thought I would disappear into a puff of blue smoke
when I hit 30.
I did not.
Instead, I moved to Oregon and started a new life
where I watch the snow drift silent down upon this land
where I love
where I live
where I have found the solitude I wanted
and the love that I needed
and the life I never knew I could have.
12-4-09
****************************
Solitude
34*
Snow alights treacherously down upon the railings of the deck overlooking the pond disguised as fat innocent puffy soft flakes
where the ducks sleep restlessly
one eye open for the black bear in the orchard
one eye open for the coyotes trash talking behind the dog yards.
Our wolfdogs trash talk them right back
the hillside rings with the singing of the Brethren
Wolf & Coyote.
The guinea hens spook at every shadow which passes overhead, hawk or sparrow, it is all the same to them, all is danger, all is sorrow
They have short memories, however, and as soon as the shadow is gone, they go back to their chuckling and hunting.
I wonder if the bugs they hunt do the same shrieking and hiding as they spy the dangerous shadows of the guineas.
I wanted solitude, I wanted to touch the wild within me
the wild which was being smothered in the smog of Southern California,
crushed beneath the developers’ mitigating circumstances
as they bulldoze yet another riparian area unto insignificance.
I hungered for the solitude and quiet
and that, I got, in spades.
Now widowed, I have all the solitude I can stand.
This past week, I missed a bill, and have been disconnected
from the internet.
Like Joni sings, you don’t know what you’ve lost ‘till it’s gone
and like an ache, like a shadow limb severed unbeknownst to the brain which thinks it still controls it,
I miss the connection.
I miss the daily chat and the silly games.
I miss hearing the voice of the man I am seeing before I sleep.
And I wonder about that
as I watch the crackling of the ice which covers the pond
like traceries and veins of the Mother
a milky slip of crenalated silk overlaying the deep violet blue of the pond
with the stumps arising from the depths like loons in the mist
No matter how many times I pass them knowing what they are, I still give them a second glance to make sure they have not shape-shifted into the Earth Birds that I know they really are.
Grounded frozen into the pond, dreaming of flight.
Love is for the young they say, and if that is so,
I am still so very young,
Because I love
I love
I love
Strong and different this time ‘round, more direct
patient yet urgent
patient yet passionate
patient yet wild like the howls of the wolves.
Time does that to a person.
I always thought I would disappear into a puff of blue smoke
when I hit 30.
I did not.
Instead, I moved to Oregon and started a new life
where I watch the snow drift silent down upon this land
where I love
where I live
where I have found the solitude I wanted
and the love that I needed
and the life I never knew I could have.
12-4-09
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
The Dragon Cave
My dragons grow with heat and snow
with lithesome wings and sterner things
with pipes and harp and claws so sharp
with fierce intent and teeth that rent
with staves of peace and fire beneath
wit healing touch which soothes so much
my eggs I keep both warm and deep
without a word they sing like birds
a song so sweet, so fierce, so fleet
to lift our hearts out from the dark
but most of all when darkness falls
my dragons gather my soul together
and wolves and we all sing to thee
ArrrOOOoooOo! to you! ArrRRooOO to you!
So my friend Centuri introduced me to yet another internet passion, Dragon Cave.
Dragon Cave
Where you steal dragon eggs, and raise them into hatchlings, and then raise them into adult dragons, via "clicking" on links on the internet. It takes a bit of doing, and your dragons can die if they don't get enough clicks within 6 days. I have found it intriguing.
My Wee Dragon Bairns
*chuckle* Enjoy!
>^,,^<
My dragons grow with heat and snow
with lithesome wings and sterner things
with pipes and harp and claws so sharp
with fierce intent and teeth that rent
with staves of peace and fire beneath
wit healing touch which soothes so much
my eggs I keep both warm and deep
without a word they sing like birds
a song so sweet, so fierce, so fleet
to lift our hearts out from the dark
but most of all when darkness falls
my dragons gather my soul together
and wolves and we all sing to thee
ArrrOOOoooOo! to you! ArrRRooOO to you!
So my friend Centuri introduced me to yet another internet passion, Dragon Cave.
Dragon Cave
Where you steal dragon eggs, and raise them into hatchlings, and then raise them into adult dragons, via "clicking" on links on the internet. It takes a bit of doing, and your dragons can die if they don't get enough clicks within 6 days. I have found it intriguing.
My Wee Dragon Bairns*chuckle* Enjoy!
>^,,^<
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