Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Little Miracles

Yesterday was a true Gift. I've been blue for a while now, as my pals the Kitteh Klan would say, I Haz a Sad.

But yesterday, I saw a bit of the Little Miracle.

Do you remember the very first time you met a wolf? (or HC wolfdog?) Do you remember that moment when you met eyes, and the world just ... stopped, and there was just you and that wolf? I do...

I was in 9th grade, a freshman at El Capitan High School. There was a *Wildlife Presentation* so, of course, I had to go. I finagled my way up to the front of the crowd, sitting down on the basketball court, that wood slick and shiny with the bottoms of many a young school chum. The bleachers were full, the auditorium was packed.

And in they came. I don't remember a darned thing about the handler except that he was a man, and he was kind. He let me follow the entourage like a puppy all the rest of the day. And my Teachers were very understanding, and gave me *excused absences* for the rest of the afternoon, knowing it would be useless to insist upon my presence, I wouldn't *be there* anyway...

There was an old lion, with a lovely dark brown mane, and a severely broken canine. He was so handsome! And very sweet.

There was a Golden Eagle, SOOO majestic! his eyes so bright and sharp and keen.

And there was a wolf. My heart just stopped.. My breath just disappeared somewhere in my chest, somewhere between my little lizard brain and my heart, my breath just vanished. I couldn't take my eyes off him. My eyes must have been the size of saucers and I bet my mouth never did find the hinge to close... I knew in that moment that I would forever and always be totally in love with this magnificent being.

The man talked about each animal, about their preferred habitat, about the dangers they were facing by unplanned developments. About how wolves were very nearly extinct. Then he walked all the animals one by one all around the diameter of the auditorium, walking slowly so we all could get a good look at them. I was in the front row, as you will remember. When it came to walking the wolf around, he got halfway through the semi-circular walk, until he got to where I was sitting. He stopped in front of me, stared at me with those so-intense yellow eyes with his head slightly lowered so he and I were eye to eye, face to mask... And then he sat in my lap.

And there he stayed. The handler tried to get him to continue his walk, but he would have none of it. He laughed a wolfy laugh, and made himself comfortable in my lap. I was in seventh heaven. I just floated away in sheer and utter delight, I could feel my heart pounding away in my chest, racing about like a bevy of meercats. And my cheeks ached from the big wide smile plastered across my face. After an eternity and a day which might have lasted 20 minutes, he decided it was OK to finish the Grand Tour and thrill the other side of his adoring fans. My life would never be the same.

I followed them around the rest of the day, as the man took the three Ambassadors from classroom to classroom. The wolf hung back and walked beside me for a while.

Fast forward 40 years.

So yesterday one of my regular customers at work came over to pick up some trees she'd purchased with her daughter, and her daughter's GodMother, who is from Germany. The GodMother (I can't believe I forgot to ask for her name!) noticed my necklaces, and said "OH! You must like wolves!" and I smiled, chuckled a bit, and said, yes, I share my life with wolfdogs. She said "What do you mean?" so I told her my Kidz were wolfdogs, part wolf, part dog. Her eyes flew open wide, and you could see the luminosity around her eyes, like a halo of the face... She said she'd always loved wolves! And she'd never met one, and had always wanted to... I asked her how long was she in town, and she told me she was leaving for Germany tomorrow morning. I felt urged to offer, so I asked her if she would like to come over and meet my Kidz. :~)

Mariam, her daughter, and the GodMom just left after a nice visit.

Since Dianne's Kidz are the first that everyone sees when they drive up, we talked about them first.. How Thunder was one of the tallest Woofers I'd ever seen, and how *we didn't mention Stormy's weight around him out loud* shhhhhhhh (they laughed :~) and how Shawnee collects boys, and how she is the Queen of all she surveys... They thought Dianne's Kidz were extraordinary. (which they are)

Then we went in to visit with with Spirit, who schmoozled all over them, many photos were taken. NIhki took treats from me, and was VERY interested! But was still a bit hesitant to approach. They loved it ! NihkiRoxie is quite the looker!!

Then I took them over to meet America. America just LOVES visitors! He schmooozled them all! He adored the GodMom, and kissed her and licked her arms, and tried to lick her face, but that was a tad bit too much for her... :~) I can certainly see the point, them's mighty long and sharp pearly whites nibbling on my nose. But you could see the light in her eyes! She just BEAMED!!! She looked like she could just float away .... I halfway expected her to start crying! I have seen that happen before. I'VE done it before...

I just made someone's year. :~) It really feels so good to know that all that hard work and dedication about socialization is paying off with such wonderful dividends... It still astounds me how amazing he is. And America just LOVES the attention, he is such a schmoooze.. :~) I love my Kidz....

I really am quite fortunate with all my Kidz...And one other thing this incident brought to mind... When you live with miracles every day, miracles become common place. Watching this lady's face as she interacted with her first wolfdog made me remember what a truly extraordinary Gift I live with every day... It brought the miracle of it all right home in my lap, so to speak :~)


Wednesday, August 24, 2011

In The Arms of the Angels

I have music rolling around in the back of my head, I am almost grounded...somewhat rested..
In The Arms of the Angels

My heart is mangled with unresolved sorrow
Mourning for so many all at one time,
Denied a sufficient grieving for the Lost Beloveds
Now they all bear the same face in facets…
One side furry, one side winged sweetness.
I still hear the music they both made.
One side a husband, the other my red-headed friend
Good friends, Tribe. Chosen Family.
Childhood friends saving one anothers' lives repeatedly throughout the years
in one form or the other.
To lose so many so young.. When did we get that old?
And now every song holds a special meaning,
Every wing beat holds a special lesson,
I cannot help but internalize the pain, the loss, the sorrow.
And when I try to sing it out, my voice curls up inside me
Like some small wounded beast fluttering within my heart.
Its' small sharp teeth gnawing away
with only a small squeak of tears emerging from the darkness of my heart
And that’s where the music has always come from.
I miss them.
I don’t believe it.
It cannot be that they are gone. It cannot be.
They are still here with me.

>^,,^< 8-25-2011

Because I love you always..
It's been 52 days since my Dear Friend Sam Goldstein died. I think I am almost ALMOST ready to write about it.. To allow the depths of my despair, my sorrow, my loneliness, my heartsickness to trickle through the *cyber ink* of the words I shall choose to release. And also to finally FINALLY attempt to reach out to the Joy, the Flight, the deep and abiding Love I have and will always have for my Friend.
It's amazing, Sam. The love inside, you take it with you. See ya.
Sam Wheat's quote about love ... From Sam Goldstein to Sam Malstead... and back again...

Red Tail Hawk above us

In August, my Dear One Kevin lost his battle with cancer. He died two days before I got down to San Diego for Sam's Memorial.. I had planned to visit with him wile I was down there.

Kevin & Francie on Cookie Day

But as another friend told me, Here Comes The Sun


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Just Signed Up for the Green Challenge

Just Signed Up for the Green Challenge at the Business website: McGregor's Nursery. As it's a business website, I decided to bring the Challenge HERE, cuz it's MY website, and I can write what I wish. I'm welcomed to my own opinion here ! *laughs*

So it IS a Challenge I believe in, and the Business does many many things the "green way". We don't use many chemical fertilizers, we use a great deal of organic soil supplements such as liquid fish, liquid kelp, and the organic meals for fertilizing our veggies. We don't use chemical herbacides, but rely on hand picking those pesky weeds, spraying with vinegar and ammoniated soaps of fatty acids, and corn gluten meal as a pre-emergent. We try to be very very careful of what we let run out into the water table because we care about our Community, and we care about our Customers, our neighbors, and we care about the land and our environment.

So, I challenge you all to try to be aware of what we put into Life, and what we ask of it. Let's all try to be aware, and to make good choices! If you're interested, look up these folks. I found a lot of interesting ideas here! One Green Generation Although I have to add a little musing here: This isn't for just one generation. My Great GramPops was an environmentalist before the term was coined. Every place we ever went, it was the Family Rule that what you packed in, you packed out... PLUS ONE ITEM. We all had to pick up at least ONE piece of garbage/trash/junk/weirdness which was not left behind by us, but someone before us. Pops was awesome that way. That's where it started for me. Where did it start for you? I'd love to hear your stories!


Monday, August 1, 2011

People in Spirit

And I mean "people" as in fur people, skin people, feather people... This past month of July has been a very tough one for Wolfdancer Creek. My baby boy, Teeghkii, died very suddenly ... On July 5th. The day after one of my best friends and Ray of Light, Sam Goldstein died. 4th of July. The Family didn't find his body until the 10th, I think it was...
I laid me down next to his body and let the tears flow freely .. Here it is August now, and still I cry at the drop of a hat. I miss him so much.. and I miss Sam more than tongue can tell..

He loved Lil Roxie Nihki La Rue, but she pestered him unto distraction...

I put him in with Rhi when Bear died, because Rhi was inconsolable. Teeghkii was so very gentle and good with everybody, I knew he would be company, if not a "True Love" candidate.. Now Rhi is grieving again... We put her on CalmEase for 3 weeks to get her past the immediate grief. I wish it were as easy for me.

I am going back to San Diego for Sam's Memorial, where those of us who loved him dearly will be singing him Home to God. I leave on the 11th. It's going to be a tough week. But it'll be a healing one.

Go To God, My Dearly Beloveds. And for those still here, let me not forget to tell you how very Blessed I feel that you are in my life. Sometimes I am lonely, deeply lonely ... But I know I have Loved, and that deeply too. Hug the ones you love. Don't let another day pass by without telling them you love them.