Kyrie Excelsior Song Kitty

There is a new star in the heavens. My Kyrie, my little song kitty excelsior's deo is gone. TOO YOUNG and I do not understand why.

She was happy and playful and we'd been playing fetch 2 hours ago.

It's been cold, so we were snuggling, her on her favorite bed, my shoulders. Right on top of me.

All of a sudden without ANY warning, she gently rolled off my shoulder. No seizure, NO WARNING nothing. I started rubbing her belly, because she -being the most extraordinary cat- actually LOVED that. After a few long rubs, I noticed that she was REALLY limp, so I peeked up, and asked her "Hey are you sleeping so soundly that..."

and I saw her give a small gasp, her tail bottled all the way to the end, voided a little.. I gathered her up in a panic... and she left me. I could not have even gotten her to the car for an ER run. She was gone within minutes.

I mean it took longer to write this then it took for God to take her from me.

She didn't have fleas, nary a one. She didn't have worms. She'd recently been to the Vet with a glowing health report..No strings or things to ingest. She'd been eating well, although she liked the salmon kibble better than the chicken and turkey. She'd been drinking well. SHE WAS HEALTHY. SHE WAS MY KITTY GIRL. And now she's gone, and I do not understand why. I do not understand what could POSSIBLY have happened, except .. a heart attack? Something that steals a life without any warning, nary a sniffle, without any damned warning. Looks like a heart attack. So fast. Her eyes are even closed. 

 I thought SURELY I'd have time to get videos of her fetching ANYTHING I threw and bringing it back to do it over and over again... "Go get it !" scamper scamper romp romp toss it up high in the air ! "Bring it back!" and sure enough she would bring it back until she grew tired of the game .. a mere 30 minutes or more.. And how she would press the current fetch toy into my hands and then scent rub it

and the way she'd biscuit with all four legs rather than just her two front paws.. She'd hump her back like a camel and stomp about in a circle just makin' biscuits ...

What am I gonna do.....
I am so so tired of loss and pain and I can't I can't.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF5XfVZtJG4

"I want more life."

It is going to be such a long long couple of nights... Sleeping alone is hard enough but to have my Kitty Girl stripped from me is going to make Lonely a sledge hammer to my heart.

Just caught myself looking out the window from her favorite perch
I open the door and expect her to say "MOM MOM MOM HI HI Guess what *I* did Here's my mouse"

She had such a huge repertoire of vocalizations, filled full of chirps and *mrrrrowps*  and *meow*meow*meow*s Each so different from the next.

 

I did sneak in a picture of her little tongue as she napped

and OH ! catnip was her friend...

She was SO gentle and kind to other kitties. First to my Elderly Sunny, whom she snuggled with as Sunny was so frail and old. Sunny and Kyrie and me. Kyrie helped me through Sunny's passing. Sunny helped teach her "the ways of Kitty Domination"...

And then next with Pickles, the wee tiny kitten we rescued out of the deep brush on a backroads next to dead. 

 I found myself walking into the wall
and stopping and going what? what is going on? this is an awful dream. Stop it. wake up...

opening the door to my bedroom and not having her try to slip through my legs

pestering me to "HEY MOM I want you to play with me meow right meow"
stomp all over me to get my attention

Doing the circle right before bed. Window, bedside table, me, food dish, chair, window, me, rinse and repeat until I finally stopped reading and tuned out the lights and it was time for snuggles.

all the stuff that made me want to squeeze her little scamp self into the crate with Pickles.. STOP THAT NONSENSE!

I want that back.
I want all of it back.

I spent the night waking up and hearing her voice. Waking up to the pressure of her paws softening up her "favorite bed" : my body.

I woke up hearing her say "C'Mon let's play I brought you a toy to throw for me" *mrrrrrreow*purr.

I kept lifting the covers waiting for her to come snuggle under the blankets with me.

I kept dangling my fingers at the edge of the blankets tempting her to play "catch and release"

and feeling the crush of my battered heart knowing I won't know these things again in this life.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/the-rainbow-bridge-for-your-cat

She came to me as a gift to help heal my heart after another Beloved's passing, my America...Then she helped me through Sunny's passing.

I feel so lost.   ouch. It's hard to breathe in here.

I'll see you at the Rainbow Bridge, my Love., my little Darling.. I'll miss you every day until we abide again. Harley and Sunny will show you all the best places. My heart is just devastated. I will miss you every day. You are always with me. 

Hug your babies. You never know how long you have with them.

Dreams and Memories, Memories and Dreams

November 28, 2011 at 5:25am ·

Last night I dreamed of Vince & Sam. This song sang in the background... I had forgotten my alarm clock, and as I went back to get fetch it, I turned the corner, and Vinnie was hurrying off to some destination or another.. When I flew into his arms crying, he held me at arm's length and said "What's the matter with you?" I told him I missed him. He said he was busy. I sat and cried. Then Sam came over, with his sly adorable grin, like "I have a secret" He motioned me over, and slipped a tab of LSD on his tongue and told me"I don't want the others to see it, they wouldn't understand" and then he smiled that beautific golden smile of his... I told him about seeing Vinnie and how sad I was, and how much I missed both of them.... Sam told me that Vinnie didn't know he was dead, so he was busy trying to learn the work he had put off while he was living... But that he, Sam, KNEW he was on the other side.. He told me not to be so sad, because he was always at my shoulder, always with me, and...and ... and ...

>^,,^<

Thankful Blogging Challenge

Thankful Blogging Challenge

Day #1: People, places or things…what are you thankful for?

Things I am thankful for :
My Family~  Laurie, Lynell, Sheri and their Families who are my Families :D
My Friends and my Tribe ~
              What Blessing all of you are and you know who you are you sly minxes 

My Critturs~
              What unconditional love looks like

The Scenery~ I live in a Progressive State which hasn't succumbed -so far- to Theocratic or Oligarchic pandering, nor has entirely bowed to H$U$ prohibition.

Cool stuff like a roof that doesn't leak, and a pellet stove that warms the place up.
Down blankets.
Down pillows with Salvation Army stain pillow cases.
Chest freezers full of chicken for the Kidz

Sleepy Time tea with honey
Song Dogs and the Howlelujah Choir

>^,,^<

My Harley, My Love

I can't stand it, I just can't stand it. My Harley is failing. 
After successfully fighting off diabetes for a full year, his kidneys just took too hard a hit. 
I am trying to make him comfortable, and the poor little guy, I keep following him around to make sure he's doing OK. 

I can't seem to help myself. And sweet baby Jesus, if he falls asleep ! I must seem like some kind of creepy troll when he opens his eyes, I'm STARING AT HIM. I watch him breathe. 

The whole idea of living without him? Just does not compute. Resistance is Futile. And I cannot seem to say the words I know I should.. I SHOULD!!

"Honey, whenever you need to go, my Love, you can.. You don't need my permission, and you have all -every dram- of my Love. Go with my Blessings. We loved each other well and truly." I belong to Harley. 

I belong to Harley. Who will own me when he's no longer in corporeal form? I can't stand it. 

I would cut off my finger if it would make you better, Sweetie. But the *cure* is worse than the aging process, and it will strip away your dignity, and you will hate the constant traveling to the Vets, and the dialysis machine.. and ... it will not cure you - it will only strip away the quality we have left. 

I can't stand it. I am a Rock. I am an Island. (And a rock feels no pain;  And an island never cries.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKlSVNxLB-A

When you finally have to leave me, when circumstances of age rips your body from me, then I will write a letter to God letting Him know of all the things He'll need to do in order to keep you happy until we meet again over the Bridge. There are certain things He will need to know: like exactly how to rub your eyes and the ridges around them; and how you need to sleep on top of my shoulders and wrapped around my neck; and how you need to sleep in bed besides me, because it's dark and scary out there. And how you REALLY like those new soft treats ! And how you will give a Low Five paw palm to get a treat. And how you really like the new fresh grass, especially when I cut it up in 1" inch pieces. And how you love flannel and heating pads.

But I'm not in a big hurry to write it, because that will mean you're gone from this world into the next where I can't follow, and ... I can't stand it. 

>^,,^<

Happy Easter!

Holy Days always make me ... wonder. The juxtiposition of the old pagan rituals of fertility and the miracle of Jesus' rising celebrated by eggs laid by rabbits. And this makes sense! Doesn't it? I mean when you think about it.



So on a cloudy day when miracles happen regularly in a far off time, will we remember that miracles still happen with regularity each and every day as long as we believe?



Today, I will plant onions, and maybe I shall finish planting the tomato seeds that are sprouting. That will be an *enough* of a miracle, for today.

Happy Easter !
>^,,^<

Lost in Laurelindorenan

I have just finished reading the Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy for the hmmmm, 11th time, but it has been long and long since last I visited the golden bowers of Middle Earth. It has been close to twenty years, perhaps more since last I wandered down the leaf-strewn bowers of amber-coloured sunrises and rose-bedazzled sunsets.

I am glad I went there. Even as each page turned to the next, I found my heart refreshed, my cares forsworn to other days, my woes caressed to sleep.

Galadriel's Song

I watched the movie first, this time, and then read the books. I have a VERY rare copy of the set, The Hobbit & the Lord of the Rings, a Second Edition revised Taiwan edition, fourth printing. A collector values them in good condition as approx. $200.oo for the set. The paper is fine, and thin, with no foxing, but is slightly yellowed with age, now that the books are 40 years old. They even include all the maps! So it was a treat to read the set again.

Although, as in the many times before when I went there, I find myself in a fey mood... I wonder that this Age of Men has lost the ability to see the wonder all around us, the bird faerie, the shining waters of the dew as it drips from the limb of slender tree in misty woods.. It is all around us, and yet, in today's dreary need of job, and time, and pressure to perform, we lose sight ...We lose our humanity when we forget the wonder which God has Blessed us with each and every day. I know I need to MUST set aside a time each day to remember: remember the breath of the trees, remember the cool grace of shadows on my face, remember the laughter of sunlight there as well. To breathe all this remembering and make it part of my day, so that it does NOT get lost. So that I can walk through these days of our lives in a grace of forgiveness and rememberance which brings a deep and lasting joy in our hearts.

Galadriel's Lament

And I found this little gem of a Blog
Distracting From the Now
where she tells us that the King's Foil, the athelas which cures Eowyn and Falamir, and Merry or their wounds given by the Dark Lord's minions is Wintergreen, and as I know Tolkien did not spring The Lord of the Rings full grown from his forehead like Zeus did Pallas Athena, but instead, he used history and transformed it, he remembered it for us. Rememberings of the Light and our endless struggles with the Dark within.. I believe her. I need to get some of this plant, and plant it 'round about the graveyard in our woods by the banks of Wolfdancer Creek. I believe it will grow there. And when I go down to sit with my Beloveds there in the woods, I shall remember them, as well, and I shall break off a leaf and smell of it's healing deeply, and I shall remember.

Have I said that I am looking forward to Peter's new film, the Hobbit? I am! And now I am starting The Silmarillion. I wonder if they will make more of Tolkien's Tales into movies? Peter Jackson has the world in his heart, I hope to see more of his visions! Yes, I admit it, I am a LOTR nerd, a Hobbit in my heart. Brave but Foolish!

I hear that Kindle will make books obsolete, but I cannot believe that. A Kindle may fail, a battery may fade, the data irretrievably lost, yet a book, well kept, will remain your friend forever. Kindles and e-copies have their place, I think ANYTHING which brings the gift of reading to people is a joy ! a Light in dark places! But I will keep my friends the books, and I will hope and pray that those who go beyond me find a way to value them. Because friends they have been to me in darkest times.

May you find a book one day which speaks to you in friendship.

>^,,^<

Part Time Cook?

OH I hope so! A part time job might save my bacon. So far, 2012 is only better because I have Faith. Still short on the mortgage, but all the other bills are caught up.

I got a call back after about an hour after the interview! Even tho they said it would be 2-3 days before they would let me know for the *second round* of interviews! I'm pretty excited! I would be a good fit there IF my dumb leg will let me do the work that's needful. They serve whole foods, and use the local Farmer's Market and their own grown herbs and produce, plus canning! They only cook from scratch, not pre-packaged stuff. I have an appointment this Saturday as "Kitchen Assistant" which is basically cleaning up, prepping, and pulling stuff out of the various ovens to cool and finish. I'm really hoping my leg will allow me to function!

We had about 8" stuck in snow for about a week, pleasant actually, had enough wood pellets to have the heater on, had enough dog food to not have to go anywhere, and found enough stuff to make a nice turkey and rice casserole. Now it is raining, sometimes furiously so, sometimes just a pitter patter.

>^,,^<

A New Job!

Well, I got laid off from "my" Garden Center after 7 & a half years. I had 1 hours' notice. I moped about for a couple of weeks, dragging myself around the house trying to unpack some old boxes, and clean up stuff and do stuff that I should have done years ago, but hadn't. Basically, I was heart broken, and trying not to spiral into the blackness of depression.

Well, my good friend Phyllis Brinkley and her nephew Aaron bought the old Currinsville Store and I went and got my alcohol handler's license, and I waited, and prayed that maybe the economy would pick up just enough so they could hire me. Well, YAY! They did ! Not full time, only part time, but if I am very frugal, I should be able to get the bills paid, and keep the animals fed and cared for in the manner of which they have become accustomed.

Since we are moving into the cold season, I must admit that it is nice to not have to trek around all day in boots with 3 pairs of socks, on cold gravel, in a drafty building without heat in sub-freezing temperatures. Working in a Deli, and getting the restaurant bar up and running does not depend on weather. As a matter of fact, unlike gardening, customers generally come into a Restaurant when the weather is poor! This is a GOOD thing!

So I have begun dragging my cookbooks out, and visiting Foodie Blogs. I used to be a manager of an antiquarian bookstore, so when any of the vendors brought in books, I was often able to get first dibs. So I have a pretty good selection of "specialty" cookbooks: Soups, Salads & Starters; Spice Island Cookbook; Regional Recipes from Famous Restaurants of the 60's; Seafood; Cheese; Friends of the Wolf; Around the World Regional Recipes; Native American; Irish; Crock Pot Cookery; 365 recipes each for Pasta/Chicken/Woks; even a sushi/sashimi cookbook! I'm going to go get my food handler's license as well. This is pretty exciting! All four of us who work here are great cooks on their own, I really think we can offer a fun Foodie experience!!

Here's to new experiences!!

>^,,^<

Seven and a Half Years #BAD11

Seven and a Half Years #BAD11 (which is some kind of Tweet-speak about Blog Action Day)

Having just been let go from my Dream Job –oh wait, let me redefine that , of all the jobs I’ve done, all the work I’ve fallen into, everything I’ve been paid to do, the job I have loved the best was working at the Garden Center. It’s been leased now, and the new owners don’t have room for me… “Well, maybe next March or April” which is a soothing salve for my now-downtrodden ego, but doesn’t put chicken in the mouths of the woofers, or litter in the cat boxes, not to mention food on the table for this Winter- I find myself having to redefine myself all over again. (the shade of Yogi Beara sits on my shoulder for that sentence)

One of the things I was most passionate about with this job, and my new life of 7 & a half years in Oregon was food crops and organic methods of gardening. The town I wound up in, (a pin stick in a map from long long ago) is a very small rural town with old farmers and old hippies and young people yearning for a more natural life away from the sick smelly rat race. Or trapped here, there are those who say that too. It’s a slice of Rural America here. And as small as this town is, it has the pulse of “what’s important”. Because the stuff that’s really important gets steamed off into a thicker, more pungent gravy in a small town. A small town has less room to maneuver, less of a bumper, small decreases of economy hit harder in rural small towns. One business that goes under is one BIG domino.

So when the economy started showing signs of shivering and weakly pneumonia, I saw people who hadn’t planted gardens in years or never start coming down to the garden center to ask me about how to plant their gardens.. What to grow? Where to grow it? Why do my tomatoes have spots? Why does my peach tree have red blotches on the leaves? What’s this grey green fuzzy stuff? I didn’t get any onions last year, can you tell me what to do? And I did, I researched, and I read. My library of gardening, and gardening techniques, and organic methods is fairly hefty. Lots of old books with some outdated information, and some lost gems of wisdom.. And I took seminars, and pounced on every event that any supplier put on… Seed trials, soil improvement and elements of healthy soil, pest integration systems, anything everything that had anything to do with gardening naturally. I have learned a great deal about living, about growing, about what works, and why, and why not.

I discovered a lot of things, mostly through that age-old Task Master, “trial and error” . Gardening naturally is harder work –especially in a commercial business- than traditional chemical methods. This past year that has really sunk in, when we realized that white flies had taken root in a BIG way in the third greenhouse- the propagation house. The past ownership wasn’t much into doing anything beyond taking money for plants. CARE of plants, or greenhouse upkeep just wasn’t in their business plan. I sprayed daily, using Neem, pepper wax spray and Pyrythrin alternately, and we cleaned the house of all weeds, sterilized the benches, segregated the plants, and once Winter hit, I was going to drop the sides and bomb the greenhouses with a pyrythrin bug bomb. That didn’t happen, because the place got leased, and the new owners are chemical people. He’s registered as a pesticide sprayer. First day there, all the weeds were given their last rites with Round Up. The last 3 weeks I had purchased some white fly predators, and I gave them the last strip. So the white flies will not be given them any grief, I am sure. What pests escape the predators, the new owners will kill with pesticides.

So why did I make more work for myself? Because I was the one who had to do the spraying, and I do not have a HazMat suit to do this, and I don’t want to have chemicals around me. They are nasty, poisonous, deadly, and the garden center borders a drainage ditch of significance which drains straight into the Clackamas River. The water table is so high there, that you can’t even sink a toilet, you have to have a port-a-potty. All that poison drift, all the pesticides, herbicides, chemical fertilizers, all that goes straight into the river, and I didn’t want that on my conscience. And because we sell FOOD items, plants that make food for people, plants that will be living with us for a while until they find their new owners, and I don’t want to ingest poisons, and I sure don’t want to sell a food plant that’s been soaked or sprayed with poisons to my neighbors, because well, dang it, I sure wouldn’t want to grow a plant that I plan to eat off of that’s been loaded with toxic chemicals…

There’s enough of that around. We have seen way too much of the results of GMOs (genetically modified organisms) as we have grown in this Country. We were given milk from cows who were saturated with bovine growth hormones, and fed grain which included the crushed up bones and meals of companion pets. And we wonder why little girls of 8 are going through menses, and why cows go mad with bovine encephalitis. We try to eat better, and get e-coli from our spinach because AgriBusiness doesn’t have enough port-a-potties in their fields, so their workers use “the bushes”, which leaches into the fields of “garden fresh” vegetables trucked direct to your table. And then the attacks on small organic farms by Monsanto, and the push to use GMOs as a food source for ANY living creature (don’t eat the popcorn at the movies, *dang!* cheap GMO corn) even tho in Europe, the studies have proven time and again to be linked to very bad mojo long term diseases…. Glyphosate Birth Defects ) I’m well past child-bearing years, (long story) but why would I chance ingesting a product which has been proven time after time after time to be poisonous? WHY would anyone trust a company who repeatedly settles out-of-court so they don’t have to state how many times they have been taken to court and LOST?? I’m just afraid now to eat stuff not locally produced by people who use organic methods of farming.

Consumers need to know this: We need to be actively aware of what we choose to purchase at our stores, we NEED to be proactive about our food choices.
Monsanto & Glyphosate Toxicity studies
GMO corn study reveals health damage and cover up
We are being fed a crock of unuseable compost regarding GMOs. Mad Cow disease is a result of using meat & meats meals rendered from all sources (pets, other animal stock, downed farm animals) and fed to HERBIVORES along with bovine growth hormones in order to produce more milk, more meat, bigger better more more more than we can sustainably ask of any farm animal or food source. And why, when there is a ban on feeding ruminants any mammalian byproducts, why hasn’t the USDA actually implemented and enforced the bans, the proposed laws and consumer protection? Instead, we get to have GMO corn pushed on us by the very people who are supposed to be protecting us. Is our USDA bought and paid for? WTH??? and the bee decline has been linked substantially to 1) re-sizing combs bigger to produce more honey -mites get in over the bodies of the bees who aren't big enough to block the re-sized combs- and 2) from wide-spread use of systemic pesticides where the bees gather the pollen off flowers which have been treated with this systemic, and the bees die as well as the bad bugs which feed off the plants.

I can see, actually, why someone who believes in the status quo, who believes that chemical pesticides and herbicides are the way to go, why someone like that would not necessarily be interested in hiring a person like myself. After all, chemical methods of plant care ARE more effective, short term. It’s the LONG TERM where their shortcomings and the dangers come from, and many people in the plant industry are not concerned about the long term. They are concerned with the short term, the plants and products they can sell TODAY, this week, and to hell with the cost over the long term. I can see it, because I know myself pretty well, and I’m a big mouth, especially when it comes to something I am passionate about. I won’t be silent, I will not comply, I am recalcitrant beyond measure, and stubborn beyond reasoning. And actually, in this economy, who can blame anybody for thinking about how they can survive TODAY??

I dunno. That’s why I’m redefining myself. That’s why I’m writing this, to raise my own level of awareness. I was a professional gardener. Now I’m just another natural gardening advocate. I wonder where this road will lead me.

>^,,^<

Life Lessons

Lately, if you've been reading my Blog, you will have read posts on loss.. And how I am trying to deal with the terrible losses I am dealing with, dancing with, crying with, smiling through.

And sooner than I know, it will be the tenth annual *anniversary* of the 9/11 Tragedy, a date of infamy, a date in American History where we, as Americans, reached a pinnacle of sublime connection, and then plummeted to a depth of racism not seen since the sixties. I found this Gentleman:
Don't Forget to Hug Your Children, and your Parents

Sadly I hear some element of that phrase over and over again from mourners reflecting on words left unsaid, gestures not made. And even though we all understand in our heads that tomorrow is not guaranteed, it is so hard to live a life that illustrates that understanding in our hearts.

I think I shall tune in to his commentaries more often. LZ GrandersonI get this a lot: this cynicism regarding my intent to live life with heart wide open.

To the cynic, this kind of talk is considered light and fluffy. But as someone who knows what it's like to hear the sobs of a father who had lost his only child the day before, there is nothing light or fluffy about a grieving heart.

I am still processing the loss of my Dear Friends Sam Goldstein and Kevin Manion. Every day, I still look for my Teeghkii, positive that TODAY, this will be revealed as one big Candid Camera Joke. So far, it has not.

But today, in preparation for the Rememberance of 9/11, I want to just simply tell you all one small little thing: I Love You. You are, each and every one of you, part of my Chosen Family, and I am incredibly Blessed with your presence in my life. I do not want to remember that "I should have told you I Loved You." I want to remember that I DID remember to tell you.

>^,,^<

Teeghkii

I created a video in Memorium. I'm very new at this video-making thing. I hope you enjoy.
To Teeghkii, my Beloved.

>^,,^<

Little Miracles

Yesterday was a true Gift. I've been blue for a while now, as my pals the Kitteh Klan would say, I Haz a Sad.

But yesterday, I saw a bit of the Little Miracle.

Do you remember the very first time you met a wolf? (or HC wolfdog?) Do you remember that moment when you met eyes, and the world just ... stopped, and there was just you and that wolf? I do...

I was in 9th grade, a freshman at El Capitan High School. There was a *Wildlife Presentation* so, of course, I had to go. I finagled my way up to the front of the crowd, sitting down on the basketball court, that wood slick and shiny with the bottoms of many a young school chum. The bleachers were full, the auditorium was packed.

And in they came. I don't remember a darned thing about the handler except that he was a man, and he was kind. He let me follow the entourage like a puppy all the rest of the day. And my Teachers were very understanding, and gave me *excused absences* for the rest of the afternoon, knowing it would be useless to insist upon my presence, I wouldn't *be there* anyway...

There was an old lion, with a lovely dark brown mane, and a severely broken canine. He was so handsome! And very sweet.

There was a Golden Eagle, SOOO majestic! his eyes so bright and sharp and keen.

And there was a wolf. My heart just stopped.. My breath just disappeared somewhere in my chest, somewhere between my little lizard brain and my heart, my breath just vanished. I couldn't take my eyes off him. My eyes must have been the size of saucers and I bet my mouth never did find the hinge to close... I knew in that moment that I would forever and always be totally in love with this magnificent being.

The man talked about each animal, about their preferred habitat, about the dangers they were facing by unplanned developments. About how wolves were very nearly extinct. Then he walked all the animals one by one all around the diameter of the auditorium, walking slowly so we all could get a good look at them. I was in the front row, as you will remember. When it came to walking the wolf around, he got halfway through the semi-circular walk, until he got to where I was sitting. He stopped in front of me, stared at me with those so-intense yellow eyes with his head slightly lowered so he and I were eye to eye, face to mask... And then he sat in my lap.

And there he stayed. The handler tried to get him to continue his walk, but he would have none of it. He laughed a wolfy laugh, and made himself comfortable in my lap. I was in seventh heaven. I just floated away in sheer and utter delight, I could feel my heart pounding away in my chest, racing about like a bevy of meercats. And my cheeks ached from the big wide smile plastered across my face. After an eternity and a day which might have lasted 20 minutes, he decided it was OK to finish the Grand Tour and thrill the other side of his adoring fans. My life would never be the same.

I followed them around the rest of the day, as the man took the three Ambassadors from classroom to classroom. The wolf hung back and walked beside me for a while.

Fast forward 40 years.

So yesterday one of my regular customers at work came over to pick up some trees she'd purchased with her daughter, and her daughter's GodMother, who is from Germany. The GodMother (I can't believe I forgot to ask for her name!) noticed my necklaces, and said "OH! You must like wolves!" and I smiled, chuckled a bit, and said, yes, I share my life with wolfdogs. She said "What do you mean?" so I told her my Kidz were wolfdogs, part wolf, part dog. Her eyes flew open wide, and you could see the luminosity around her eyes, like a halo of the face... She said she'd always loved wolves! And she'd never met one, and had always wanted to... I asked her how long was she in town, and she told me she was leaving for Germany tomorrow morning. I felt urged to offer, so I asked her if she would like to come over and meet my Kidz. :~)

Mariam, her daughter, and the GodMom just left after a nice visit.

Since Dianne's Kidz are the first that everyone sees when they drive up, we talked about them first.. How Thunder was one of the tallest Woofers I'd ever seen, and how *we didn't mention Stormy's weight around him out loud* shhhhhhhh (they laughed :~) and how Shawnee collects boys, and how she is the Queen of all she surveys... They thought Dianne's Kidz were extraordinary. (which they are)

Then we went in to visit with with Spirit, who schmoozled all over them, many photos were taken. NIhki took treats from me, and was VERY interested! But was still a bit hesitant to approach. They loved it ! NihkiRoxie is quite the looker!!


Then I took them over to meet America. America just LOVES visitors! He schmooozled them all! He adored the GodMom, and kissed her and licked her arms, and tried to lick her face, but that was a tad bit too much for her... :~) I can certainly see the point, them's mighty long and sharp pearly whites nibbling on my nose. But you could see the light in her eyes! She just BEAMED!!! She looked like she could just float away .... I halfway expected her to start crying! I have seen that happen before. I'VE done it before...

I just made someone's year. :~) It really feels so good to know that all that hard work and dedication about socialization is paying off with such wonderful dividends... It still astounds me how amazing he is. And America just LOVES the attention, he is such a schmoooze.. :~) I love my Kidz....

I really am quite fortunate with all my Kidz...And one other thing this incident brought to mind... When you live with miracles every day, miracles become common place. Watching this lady's face as she interacted with her first wolfdog made me remember what a truly extraordinary Gift I live with every day... It brought the miracle of it all right home in my lap, so to speak :~)

>^,,^<

In The Arms of the Angels

I have music rolling around in the back of my head, I am almost grounded...somewhat rested..
In The Arms of the Angels

My heart is mangled with unresolved sorrow
Mourning for so many all at one time,
Denied a sufficient grieving for the Lost Beloveds
Now they all bear the same face in facets…
One side furry, one side winged sweetness.
I still hear the music they both made.
One side a husband, the other my red-headed friend
Good friends, Tribe. Chosen Family.
Childhood friends saving one anothers' lives repeatedly throughout the years
in one form or the other.
To lose so many so young.. When did we get that old?
And now every song holds a special meaning,
Every wing beat holds a special lesson,
I cannot help but internalize the pain, the loss, the sorrow.
And when I try to sing it out, my voice curls up inside me
Like some small wounded beast fluttering within my heart.
Its' small sharp teeth gnawing away
with only a small squeak of tears emerging from the darkness of my heart
And that’s where the music has always come from.
I miss them.
I don’t believe it.
It cannot be that they are gone. It cannot be.
They are still here with me.

>^,,^< 8-25-2011


Because I love you always..
It's been 52 days since my Dear Friend Sam Goldstein died. I think I am almost ALMOST ready to write about it.. To allow the depths of my despair, my sorrow, my loneliness, my heartsickness to trickle through the *cyber ink* of the words I shall choose to release. And also to finally FINALLY attempt to reach out to the Joy, the Flight, the deep and abiding Love I have and will always have for my Friend.

It's amazing, Sam. The love inside, you take it with you. See ya.

Sam Wheat's quote about love ... From Sam Goldstein to Sam Malstead... and back again...

Red Tail Hawk above us


In August, my Dear One Kevin lost his battle with cancer. He died two days before I got down to San Diego for Sam's Memorial.. I had planned to visit with him wile I was down there.

Kevin & Francie on Cookie Day

But as another friend told me, Here Comes The Sun

>^,,^<

Just Signed Up for the Green Challenge

Just Signed Up for the Green Challenge at the Business website: McGregor's Nursery. As it's a business website, I decided to bring the Challenge HERE, cuz it's MY website, and I can write what I wish. I'm welcomed to my own opinion here ! *laughs*

So it IS a Challenge I believe in, and the Business does many many things the "green way". We don't use many chemical fertilizers, we use a great deal of organic soil supplements such as liquid fish, liquid kelp, and the organic meals for fertilizing our veggies. We don't use chemical herbacides, but rely on hand picking those pesky weeds, spraying with vinegar and ammoniated soaps of fatty acids, and corn gluten meal as a pre-emergent. We try to be very very careful of what we let run out into the water table because we care about our Community, and we care about our Customers, our neighbors, and we care about the land and our environment.

So, I challenge you all to try to be aware of what we put into Life, and what we ask of it. Let's all try to be aware, and to make good choices! If you're interested, look up these folks. I found a lot of interesting ideas here! One Green Generation Although I have to add a little musing here: This isn't for just one generation. My Great GramPops was an environmentalist before the term was coined. Every place we ever went, it was the Family Rule that what you packed in, you packed out... PLUS ONE ITEM. We all had to pick up at least ONE piece of garbage/trash/junk/weirdness which was not left behind by us, but someone before us. Pops was awesome that way. That's where it started for me. Where did it start for you? I'd love to hear your stories!

>^,,^<

People in Spirit

And I mean "people" as in fur people, skin people, feather people... This past month of July has been a very tough one for Wolfdancer Creek. My baby boy, Teeghkii, died very suddenly ... On July 5th. The day after one of my best friends and Ray of Light, Sam Goldstein died. 4th of July. The Family didn't find his body until the 10th, I think it was...
I laid me down next to his body and let the tears flow freely .. Here it is August now, and still I cry at the drop of a hat. I miss him so much.. and I miss Sam more than tongue can tell..

He loved Lil Roxie Nihki La Rue, but she pestered him unto distraction...

I put him in with Rhi when Bear died, because Rhi was inconsolable. Teeghkii was so very gentle and good with everybody, I knew he would be company, if not a "True Love" candidate.. Now Rhi is grieving again... We put her on CalmEase for 3 weeks to get her past the immediate grief. I wish it were as easy for me.

I am going back to San Diego for Sam's Memorial, where those of us who loved him dearly will be singing him Home to God. I leave on the 11th. It's going to be a tough week. But it'll be a healing one.

Go To God, My Dearly Beloveds. And for those still here, let me not forget to tell you how very Blessed I feel that you are in my life. Sometimes I am lonely, deeply lonely ... But I know I have Loved, and that deeply too. Hug the ones you love. Don't let another day pass by without telling them you love them.

>^,,^<

The Great Quiche Experiment. Fun with Chickens!

Last year I boarded a couple of Bloodhounds for a friend. He also had five chickens which I took care of. When he found his new home, he asked me if I wanted the chickens. I said *SURE!* So I named four of them after the Golden Girls, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Buffy is a bit of a snob, you see. But the Golden Girls are REALLY sociable! There's Sofia, a light red Rhode Island Red hen, Dorothy, who is MUCH darker red, and also a Rhode Island Red. Buffy is an Ameraucauna, she lays blue-ish green eggs that are really pretty! Easter Eggers, they call these hens..and Blanche and Rose are black hens of extraordinary beauty. I believe they are Australorps. So after I lived with these five, Greig came home "with a new beak for Wolfdancer Creek" a Black Star pullet we named Belinda, the Chicken Who Saved Oz. Then I bought two more Black Stars, Grace and Faith, because Buffy -who was low hen in the pecking order - decided she just moved up a rank, and she really gave Belinda what-for... So I thought having 2 more pullet hens would make life a little easier for Belinda.
A bit about Belinda. Her name came from the Wizard of Oz series. L. Frank Baum wrote several books about Oz. In "The Road to Oz" we are introduced to "Billina the Yellow Hen". I didn't remember her name right, I remembered her as "Belinda". Billina saves Oz from the Goblin King. Turns out the Goblin King is deathly afraid of eggs, so Billina pelts him with eggs, and saves everybody. So Belinda is the Chicken Who Saved Oz at Wolfdancer Creek.


So, then I had all these eggs.. EVERYbody was laying! I was getting a dozen a day! Luckily, I am a member of Certified Naturally Grown, a grass roots organic certification program, so I can sell them as free ranging spoiled rotten "better than organic" eggs... But still... What to do with this many eggs? Enter the world of quiche!
My first quiche

preparatory to being popped into the oven.
OK, well, my first TWO quiches




They were delicious! And despite what they say about real men and quiche, Greig gave them the "Two Forks Up" award for Nummyness.

Sadly, a coyote came in and killed Dorothy and Grace. Rose got broody, so a friend of mine gave me six little mixed eggs (Rhode Island Red/Delaware/Red Star) that Rose has been a'settin' with great glee. She is a GOOD Mommy, and every day I go and sit with her and rub her neck behind her head while she "cooos" at me... It is a strange sound, not a *bawk* but more of a murmur. I think she will be a very good Mommy when the babies hatch. We're trying to figure out where the 'yotes came in from, and will be fencing off yet another parcel. Greig mowed so the 'yote can't hide in the tall grasses anymore. So far, so good... But 'yotes are smart, and this one has my number... So I might have to shoot a coyote, something I am SOOOOO not looking forward to doing... But I have to protect my little Ladies!

In Memory of Dorothy, a chicken of rare beauty and strong personality . A True Golden Girl! Her namesake would have been proud of her. Depending on how many hens I get out of my six eggs, I think I shall name them Grace, Hope, and maybe, if there's a really strong personality in this clutch, I shall name her Dorothy. I look forward to my new babies!

>^,,^<

Living Goes On Spring Is Springing

Yesterday at 7:30 ish am, my MauMau Gramma Tiger went to see her Sailor Man, PowPow Mac, my Mama's Daddy. My Maternal Grampa. MauMau was PowPow's True Love, and his second wife. My Grammy's first husband. They divorced when it just wasn't "done". They were very very bad for each other, my Grammy and PowPow. They really brought out the worst in each other. There is a great deal of alienation, hurt, abandonment that I am feeling. Jealousy, even. Alot of it. If I allowed myself to wallow in the dark, I could easily feel the loss, the abandonment feelings.. But I do not allow those feelings to live. They are like cockroaches, those bad ol' feelings, and they must be drug out kicking and screaming into the Light where they have NO POWER to hurt. I shall stomp them into cockroach jelly, these bad ol' feelings! and make 'em into compost.

MauMau & PowPow they were DYNAMITE together! They laughed together, played together, loved together. It was wonderful to watch. MauMau had Alzeimers, towards the end of her life, and Cousin Alicia, Buggy as we called her back then, *wry chuckle* The Golden Child, and her Family has been looking after her since PowPow died last year. Alicia is an incredibly sweet soul. MauMau's with PowPow now. She was missing him terribly. I am glad he went first, tho, to make sure the way was clear. I can see them now, playing and laughing her head on his shoulder, the sparkle in both of their eyes. These two grown-ups GIGGLED ! Giggled, I say, it was just adorably cute to watch them together! I know that some people believe that when you die, you die.. and when animals die, they die. Period, end of story, let in the worms. I do not believe that a God of Love would make it so. It is a huge comfort to me to believe that when our pets die, they await us beyond the Rainbow Bridge. It is a huge comfort to me to believe that I have *angels* on my shoulders looking after me, that the people I have loved, I shall see again. I do not believe that God would begrudge this small comfort to a grieving soul. Therefore, I will Believe.

The baby Ancona ducks got here a week early, this past Friday, but hey, why not? They are in a crate in the living room until such time as it gets a bit warmer, and we can build an escape-proof amoeba-proof duckling pen where the owls and rats can't get to our wee feathered fowl friends... I would have liked to have resized the pics, but this ol' computer is batsh*t crazy and has decided that it doesn't wanna open up my editing program. "Open, please", "NOPE, Not gonna wouldn't be prudent." *bah* The ducklings are waaaay beyond cute.

Box o' ducklings


We are One With the Water




AND I got my Walla Walla onions in! along with the Sugar Ann bush peas. The derned birds I saw in the garden had BEST not have been pecking up my pea seeds, or it's SQUAB for dinner tonight, Honey!


The first day of Spring. One door closes, one door opens. So Be It.

>^,,^<

Paws for Japan

I keep seeing the man's face and that's me, I see it now, we are all one.

World Vets is putting on a Blog-A-Thon in order to drum up help for their relief plans for Japan, and for the animal survivors there. If you should be able to donate, please click the link just above here. They are doing a very good job.



I, like most of you, have been watching the terrible stream of tragedies which has devastated Japan over these past weeks... Losing sleep over the faces I have seen on the web, worrying about the nuclear fallout... Will it come here? It's "just across the pond"... Weeping along with the people of Japan, both in terror, and in joy as they find pieces of their old lives, in particular, as they find their loved ones...

I just got word that my dearest Heart Friend Larry and his wife Yan have evacuated safely for weeks? months? they are unsure but safe. Holding them close in my prayers!

And there's this cat who lives with his Family named Maru whom I have been watching for some time now on YouTube, and one night I awoke in my traditional "middle of the night wakie wakies" thinking OMG! I wonder if Maru and his Family is OK? I asked on FaceBook, and sure enough, someone had heard from them! Maru was afraid, they said, and continues to be nervous about all the shaking about that the Earth is doing, but they are doing fine, and are safe.

And then there is Cat Island, or Tashirojima, which is a "paw pad" shaped island off of the Japanese mainland. This Island's population is almost entirely elderly with cats. LOTS of cats. They are in pretty dire need of the basics, but they survived the tsunami by being on the "right" side of the island. Here's another post from Love Meow

This woman refused to evacuate because the authorities wouldn't allow her to take her dog. She and her wee sheltie friend, Yosuke, shivered and huddled together for three days before rescuers came for her. I know there are some folks who would say that was silly, but that's me, there... There is NO WAY I'd leave my Kidz behind, NO WAY. They are all the "Children"-type Family I have. I'm with you, M'am, save me, save my pets.


I don't have television, so I have not seen the images of water and fire enveloping Japan, nor have I seen the explosions at the nuclear power plants. I suppose I could hunt up videos on YouTube, if I needed to see the damage, but I won't... The pictures in my mind are terrible enough.. The hurt I suffer empathically is vivid enough to do me without watching it unreel before me. I just can't watch it. But I can write, and hopefully, someone will read, and be moved to donate some needed monies to the huge undertaking of helping our neighbors.

When I was in 6th grade, I did a report on Japan. I immersed myself in the learning of the culture. My Daddy had gone there while he served in the Navy, and while I was in the 6th grade, he was in Korea, fighting. It made me feel closer to him, doing this report. I still have the geisha dolls he sent us. The world seemed so gigantic, so very impossible to conceive of its' hugeness, its' expanses back then. Daddy seemed so very far away, a galaxy, a universe. When I need serenity, I think about the Zen of living. How so many people people crammed together in such a small space, yet ... Freedom is in the Heart, they say without a sound spoken. Now I find myself doing another report on Japan, a mere 42 years later and the World is tiny, accessible, "just around the corner", "We Are All One", thee and I .... This one is just from the heart. If you can help, will you? Dozo and Domo Arigato.
The Rescuers

>^,,^<

An Adventure!

Greig took me on an adventure yesterday! He called around Noon to tell me he was "turning left instead of right". I asked what he had in mind? He said he was going to go find the snowline. *pause on my part* "With me?" "Well, I can't think of anybody else I'd go driving around for...."

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! He's sooooo romantic!

So he came to pick me up, and we turned left instead of right at the bottom of "my" hill. We drove about an hour or so from my house, into 1 foot stuck beautiful snow. he got to polish up his "snow skidding" skills ("Don't worry, Creampuff, I'll get us home safe.") We almost made it to Bagby Hot Springs, but it was getting quite dark, so we put chains on and he got to practice snow chain installation, un-entanglement, and removal skills.

I even got some new pictures. I'll put them p as soon as I get 'em back from the developers. I even discovered that my camera has a "timer" setting and I HOPE I got a rare picture of us together!


He's not a "Cat Man", but the cats adore him. And when he thinks I'm not looking, he gives them kitty loves. And, of course, doesn't mind being a couch when it suits cold kitteh feets to be so.

Even the Song Dogs love him.

I had such a loverly adventure! It was so wonderful to explore a wider part of my Community, I hadn't even gone that far yet. It's so beautiful ! It was so wonderful of Greig to take me away...

>^,,^<

Howls

Time for bed, me. The storm(s) have been pulsing through in waves, a land-locked estuary..this latest with lots of wet and wind... The wind is howling through whichever screens it can wrap its' gnarled and whispery fingers into.. It moans into the very air I breathe.

The Song Dogs join in, adding an amoebic element to the night's kareoke. Their songs rely only upon their personal ranges Alto, soprano, baritone, tenor, and their own style. Song Dogs, like Humans, have preferences. Some are jazz singers, their voices scatting and free. Some are Country, with a deep throaty "whiskey whisper" tone, and some are Classical, with their formality and power.

The songs of the Song Dogs are always filled with passion, and with a tender sorrow tinged with unutterably joy. The song of a Song Dog is like a verbal description of a sunset on a clear, yet snow-bedazzled day to a blind woman. It is like a kenetic
energy translated into the verbalization of the pumping of heart's blood.