Kyrie Excelsior Song Kitty

There is a new star in the heavens. My Kyrie, my little song kitty excelsior's deo is gone. TOO YOUNG and I do not understand why.

She was happy and playful and we'd been playing fetch 2 hours ago.

It's been cold, so we were snuggling, her on her favorite bed, my shoulders. Right on top of me.

All of a sudden without ANY warning, she gently rolled off my shoulder. No seizure, NO WARNING nothing. I started rubbing her belly, because she -being the most extraordinary cat- actually LOVED that. After a few long rubs, I noticed that she was REALLY limp, so I peeked up, and asked her "Hey are you sleeping so soundly that..."

and I saw her give a small gasp, her tail bottled all the way to the end, voided a little.. I gathered her up in a panic... and she left me. I could not have even gotten her to the car for an ER run. She was gone within minutes.

I mean it took longer to write this then it took for God to take her from me.

She didn't have fleas, nary a one. She didn't have worms. She'd recently been to the Vet with a glowing health report..No strings or things to ingest. She'd been eating well, although she liked the salmon kibble better than the chicken and turkey. She'd been drinking well. SHE WAS HEALTHY. SHE WAS MY KITTY GIRL. And now she's gone, and I do not understand why. I do not understand what could POSSIBLY have happened, except .. a heart attack? Something that steals a life without any warning, nary a sniffle, without any damned warning. Looks like a heart attack. So fast. Her eyes are even closed. 

 I thought SURELY I'd have time to get videos of her fetching ANYTHING I threw and bringing it back to do it over and over again... "Go get it !" scamper scamper romp romp toss it up high in the air ! "Bring it back!" and sure enough she would bring it back until she grew tired of the game .. a mere 30 minutes or more.. And how she would press the current fetch toy into my hands and then scent rub it

and the way she'd biscuit with all four legs rather than just her two front paws.. She'd hump her back like a camel and stomp about in a circle just makin' biscuits ...

What am I gonna do.....
I am so so tired of loss and pain and I can't I can't.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF5XfVZtJG4

"I want more life."

It is going to be such a long long couple of nights... Sleeping alone is hard enough but to have my Kitty Girl stripped from me is going to make Lonely a sledge hammer to my heart.

Just caught myself looking out the window from her favorite perch
I open the door and expect her to say "MOM MOM MOM HI HI Guess what *I* did Here's my mouse"

She had such a huge repertoire of vocalizations, filled full of chirps and *mrrrrowps*  and *meow*meow*meow*s Each so different from the next.

 

I did sneak in a picture of her little tongue as she napped

and OH ! catnip was her friend...

She was SO gentle and kind to other kitties. First to my Elderly Sunny, whom she snuggled with as Sunny was so frail and old. Sunny and Kyrie and me. Kyrie helped me through Sunny's passing. Sunny helped teach her "the ways of Kitty Domination"...

And then next with Pickles, the wee tiny kitten we rescued out of the deep brush on a backroads next to dead. 

 I found myself walking into the wall
and stopping and going what? what is going on? this is an awful dream. Stop it. wake up...

opening the door to my bedroom and not having her try to slip through my legs

pestering me to "HEY MOM I want you to play with me meow right meow"
stomp all over me to get my attention

Doing the circle right before bed. Window, bedside table, me, food dish, chair, window, me, rinse and repeat until I finally stopped reading and tuned out the lights and it was time for snuggles.

all the stuff that made me want to squeeze her little scamp self into the crate with Pickles.. STOP THAT NONSENSE!

I want that back.
I want all of it back.

I spent the night waking up and hearing her voice. Waking up to the pressure of her paws softening up her "favorite bed" : my body.

I woke up hearing her say "C'Mon let's play I brought you a toy to throw for me" *mrrrrrreow*purr.

I kept lifting the covers waiting for her to come snuggle under the blankets with me.

I kept dangling my fingers at the edge of the blankets tempting her to play "catch and release"

and feeling the crush of my battered heart knowing I won't know these things again in this life.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/the-rainbow-bridge-for-your-cat

She came to me as a gift to help heal my heart after another Beloved's passing, my America...Then she helped me through Sunny's passing.

I feel so lost.   ouch. It's hard to breathe in here.

I'll see you at the Rainbow Bridge, my Love., my little Darling.. I'll miss you every day until we abide again. Harley and Sunny will show you all the best places. My heart is just devastated. I will miss you every day. You are always with me. 

Hug your babies. You never know how long you have with them.