Friday, December 5, 2008

Blessings & Lessons, Lessons & Blessings

Which came first?

HOME I am HOME. HOME after a week grieving for my sweet, lost Husband, who left me a year ago to be with his Mom. Left me because he "could not see any way we could move forward together." Left me because I was no longer within driving distance to his Family. Left me because he was still looking for the next party, and I had stopped looking years ago, and just didn't know it. Left me because he was Peter Pan, and I was not his Wendy. I yam what I yam. A Wild Warrior Wolf Woman Who Dances With Wolves. And who gardens with passion. Earthy dreams, rooting dreams, fragrant with fecund fantasies of flowerings.

These were not dreams he shared with me, and this was not the place he could follow me. And now, he has left me for the rest of this lifetime. I am grieving, and I am sure there will be abject loneliness from the loss I feel. I've lost HIS Family, as well. No more Holiday phone calls, no more hugs, no more "I love you, Sweeties", no more Christmas pictures of the kids. At the service, after I made a picture board of the pictures we had accumulated over the 36 years we'd been friends, the Family kind of ... well, kidnapped my pictures... "Well, we figured that these ones of the Family, you won't need these back, right?" I paused, was silent, and said "Y'all WERE my Family for a long long time." I guess that just hadn't occurred to them. It surprised them. Jeff was so kind to me, tho, I think he realized --then-- how much I had lost, as well. A world without my best friend in it is a sadder place.

At the service, I tried to speak my Truth, but it all came out as gibberish, I could not form English words, I could not see the pages I wrote, and what I could see just didn't make sense, it was written in an alien tongue, by me. I want to write to those who were there what I TRIED to say. I ended by just weeping and saying " I can't finish this. I wrote such clever things, such warm stories, but I can't finish this."


DON'T take one another for Granted
DON'T assume you know what the other needs
DO COMMUNICATE even if it's difficult or uncomfortable
DO take time to give hugs & listen actively
DO take time to actively remember the Positive and actively forget the Negative.
Hold on to one another.
Be True to Yourself
Be True to Your Love
DON'T take Love for Granted


1 comment:

spookydragonfly said...

Hello Kat...I'm glad to hear you're happy to be home. Lifes'lessons can be so, so, hard! I know I've learned many lessons in my lifetime, it just seems that my lessons came too late always. Now, as I'm older, I try to live life taking nothing for granted...and it is a conscious effort we must make I feel. Ha!...I'm always praying for forgiveness..I carry around many regrets. I hope you find peace and comfort there in your paradise(and your own sacred place).